10/16/14

My Life of Crime: Technically I Was Only Assaulted That Night in Denver

SMACK! My glasses went flying (they were already missing a temple). I went to the sidewalk to find them and two guys started yelling at my coworkers.

One attacker had a gun. They began mugging us, one by one (while I crawled around thinking, "Hey, watch out for my glasses.")

The first guy handed over $5. One woman gave her wallet. Another gave her purse. I found my glasses as another—brave, crazy or both—pulled her wallet from her purse and her cash from her wallet. She threw the bills on the ground. "You can have my money but there's stuff in here that I need."

The unarmed one stooped to pick it up. "I could kick him in the face," I thought, "...And that guy would shoot me."

Once they'd gathered the cash they ran.

The cops rounded up a bunch of Hispanic men. Not one fit the descriptions we'd provided.


(Don't worry, friends. This happened years ago.)

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